What Should I Do For Christmas
by kevlar624
Summary: It was fun. And then it's not. [Not slash]


**A/N:** This is something I wrote a few months ago. I don't know where the idea came from. I hope I'm not going OOC too much. This story is unbetaed. All mistakes are mine. Please be nice. :)

**A/N 2:** This takes place around season 2. There's just a lot of things happening on season 3 that I want to ignore. :P Malia's death is one of them...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Hawaii Five-0 and the characters don't belong to me. Blah, blah, blah. The usual stuff. I'm a student with no money other than for tuition and food. Don't sue me. ;)

* * *

The last thing he wanted was to feel the way he was at the moment. Jealousy, resentment, envy, anger. It wasn't their fault their families were still around for them to call, to talk to. It wasn't their fault that their other halves were within reach for them to unwind, to get away from what the job brought on daily basis. It clearly wasn't their fault that he was alone, that his mother got murdered, that his father got shot with him listening to his last few seconds of living, that his girlfriend—for the lack of better word—was somewhere in the middle of the ocean, doing her job.

But Steve just couldn't help but feel alone, really alone, at the moment.

Chin suggested a get together on the beach at the back of Steve's house, barbeque and everything. Steve agreed and on a whim suggested they also invited their girlfriend/wife/boyfriend, since Cath just told him that she might be around on leave. When they day came, she didn't, and the others did.

Danny brought Grace, of course, and Gabby. Kono invited Charlie Fong, as a way to tell the team that they were in fact seeing each other. Steve just chuckled when Chin tried not to give any lecture to the HPD tech about not hurting his cousin. The lieutenant himself came with his wife.

It all started out okay. Steve managed to keep himself entertained even with him the only one without a plus one. When Danny was a bit busy with Gabby, Grace came to him for help or anything. But when Christmas talk was brought up, how it could get brought up Steve had no idea, and Grace mentioned about missing his grandparents in Jersey and missing doing stuffs with them, the team started exchanging Christmas stories. Steve had one or two that he shared but he couldn't give more because the memory was still too much and not enough. Not to mention the feeling that he would never experience them again because his parents were no longer around and his sister was someplace else, hopefully still safe.

The team talked, laughed, joked, teased about the others' Christmas tradition. Steve just couldn't take it anymore and excused himself, saying he'd grab some more beers from the fridge. There really were beers in the fridge but instead of going to the kitchen, Steve went upstairs and to his old room. He lied down on the bed and closed his eyes, which was the position Danny found him ten minutes later.

"Steve? What are you doing up here? I thought you're getting beers? Unless there's a fridge somewhere hidden here. You do remember that this is your house and you're the host, don't you?"

"Just need to lie down for a bit, Danny," Steve softly replied. He didn't open his eyes. Instead he covered them with his hand. "I'll be down in a minute."

Instead of leaving, Danny went to sit on the bed next to Steve's feet. He lightly squeezed the other man's knee. "You okay, babe? Grace told me you looked sad."

Steve let out a soft sigh. "Sorry," he whispered. "Tell Grace that I'm okay."

"I will, but I doubt that you do." When he received no reply from the man on the bed, Danny lightly shook Steve's leg. "Come on, man. You're scaring me. What's going on? Is Cath okay?"

"She's fine. She's on the Enterprise in the middle of the Pacific."

"Then what's wrong? Come on. I'm your back up. How am I supposed to back you up if you don't tell me what's going on?!" Danny paused, thinking about his own words. "Not like you ever share before we go guns blazing to a suspect's house but that's not the point." He saw a faint smirk on Steve's face. _That's a start._ "At least with that I can see what's going on, what you're doing. I can't see what's going on now, Steven. Come on."

Steve sighed again. "Nothing, Danny. Nothing's going on."

"Bullshit! If nothing's going on, you'll be on the beach wearing only your boardshorts because Grace wants to get into the ocean and I'm not planning to get myself wet anytime soon. If nothing's going on, Chin and Charlie will be talking about an upgrade on the HPD security system over beers. If nothing's going on, Malia, Gabby, and Kono will be talking and trying to conspiring against us to get us going to the HPD annual ball next week. If nothing's going on, I'd be yelling at you to make sure there's no shark in the ocean, yelling at Chin to stop making the computer so fucking complicated, grumbling to Gabby because I hate wearing tux. If nothing's going on, I won't be here trying to get you to at least uncover your face and look at me and tell me that you're fine!"

Steve did remove his hand and looked at his partner, but it wasn't because he realized that Danny was right. It was because despite the Jersey native's habit to rant, that many words in one take was just very unusual. "Did you breathe, at all?"

Danny rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in frustration.

"There's really nothing, Danny." Steve went back to his previous position. "Nothing you can do anyway."

"You let me be the judge of that."

Silence stretched between them and Danny was about to give up and left when Steve finally spoke.

"You can't do anything to help, Danny." Steve's voice was so soft, the detective had to strain his ears to hear it. "You can't make my mother not died in that car bomb and gave me twenty years more with her." His voice started to break, Danny's heart clenched at the pain on his partner's voice. "You can't make Hesse not pulled the trigger and made me listen to my father's last breaths. You can't give me one more day with any of them so I can tell them I'm sorry and I love them and I wish I can have one more Christmas with them…"

At the mention of Christmas, Danny finally realized the problem. It was innocent when they shared their Christmas memories. He was happy to share something about his Jersey family, he forgot that Steve's family was gone. He shared whatever family memories he could remember to tease Steve because the guy didn't seem to have emotion, he forgot that there was a reason why Steve acted like that. His life, his childhood was ripped away from him when he was a teenager while Danny was busy being a rebel and trying to get attention of the cheerleader's captain when he was a teenager. Steve wished for his mother to be alive, wished his father didn't push him away, on Christmas while he was wishing for a car.

It wasn't fair. His partner was a great man who didn't deserve what life gave him.

"Sorry," was all Danny could say. He didn't know what else to say because for once there was nothing he could do, like Steve said, and nothing he could say would take the pain. Nothing he did will change anything.

"What for? It's not your fault," Steve said. Danny was a little surprise to find nothing to hint that his friend was upset. He actually sounded sincere. The SEAL pushed himself up, rubbing his face, before finally looking at Danny in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't say any of that."

Before Danny could reply, he saw on the corner of his eyes, his daughter fled from the door to the bed and hugged his partner. Both Steve and Danny were surprised to see her. The detective turned towards the door and saw Kono and Chin giving him an apologetic look.

"Grace wants to know where you two go off to," Kono said in a way of an explanation. "And to ask if she can have ice cream. Since we're also wondering where the two of you go…" She shrugged. "Sorry."

"How much…" Danny's question dried in his lips but the cousins got it anyway.

"Enough," Chin answered. He gave Steve a sympathetic smile. "Sorry, brah. If I'd known, I'd shut up."

Steve gave a small sad smile in return, embarrassed that he technically confessed in front of his team, and Grace. "You don't need to shut up. I don't want you to. It's actually nice, most of the time, to listen to your stories. All of you. Give me something to dream about." He forced a smile. He then returned the little girl's hug and kissed her head. "I'm sorry, Gracie. I'm okay now."

"I wish your Mom and Dad are still here too." Grace's voice was muffled by Steve's shirt. "I wanna tell them that you are the best uncle I ever!"

**_End_**


End file.
